1 00:00:02,404 --> 00:00:05,407 Albert pujols, que te pasa? 2 00:00:05,407 --> 00:00:06,541 No tengo mucha energia. 3 00:00:06,541 --> 00:00:08,088 Ay, toma eso! 4 00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:11,938 Ay, la energia! 5 00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,893 Ay, la energia! 6 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,422 La energia. 7 00:00:20,422 --> 00:00:21,563 It's a home run. 8 00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:25,126 Look at you, sitting here 9 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,461 on a saturday night 10 00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:27,945 watching yourself on tv. 11 00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:31,599 I was enjoying myself. 12 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,440 Can I tell you something and you won't get mad? 13 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,661 You're fat, boring, and stupid. 14 00:00:38,073 --> 00:00:39,581 Yeah, why would I get mad at that? 15 00:00:40,008 --> 00:00:43,001 Ay, por dios, that's why you don't have a woman in your life. 16 00:00:43,398 --> 00:00:45,547 I'm not interested in dating, okay? 17 00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:47,415 I'm putting all my energy into my work. 18 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,090 Work? 19 00:00:48,664 --> 00:00:51,473 Work is when you get calluses and Backaches 20 00:00:51,473 --> 00:00:53,955 digging ditches, laying bricks, 21 00:00:53,955 --> 00:00:55,138 picking lettuce. 22 00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:56,431 What do you do? 23 00:00:56,674 --> 00:00:58,267 Sit on your ass and play with juice. 24 00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,463 For your information, la energia 25 00:01:01,463 --> 00:01:03,855 is now the fifth-largest energy drink. 26 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:05,774 That cat pee? 27 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,368 All you did was combine some cactus juice 28 00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:10,237 with enough caffeine to shut down your organs. 29 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:12,864 Genius. 30 00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,611 Well, whatever it is, it's working, okay? 31 00:01:16,611 --> 00:01:18,179 I'm expanding into three new markets, 32 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,548 and now into the Philippines. 33 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:21,456 Beautiful. 34 00:01:22,245 --> 00:01:23,485 Now they got something to drink 35 00:01:23,485 --> 00:01:25,046 while they make baskets with their feet. 36 00:01:27,066 --> 00:01:28,026 Baskets with their feet? 37 00:01:28,026 --> 00:01:30,358 Mom, the philippines is one of the oldest 38 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,717 and richest cultures in the world. 39 00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:33,461 They make baskets with their feet. 40 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:34,741 What do you want me to tell you? 41 00:01:35,997 --> 00:01:37,118 Now they'll make 'em faster. 42 00:01:47,242 --> 00:01:48,082 There you go, Harper. 43 00:01:48,165 --> 00:01:50,205 Don't tell your mom you're playing without a helmet. 44 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,148 Yo, Georgie! 45 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,700 Hey, junior was helping me find my blood pressure medicine, 46 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,152 and we found these old pictures. 47 00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,036 Yeah, and some Candy. 48 00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,789 Hey, Georgie, I'm keeping this one. 49 00:02:03,012 --> 00:02:04,526 Oh, which one? Which one? Which one? 50 00:02:04,526 --> 00:02:05,026 Let me see. 51 00:02:05,614 --> 00:02:08,003 Oh, yeah, daddy, you gotta take that one to the bar and show all the people. 52 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,547 Hey, they'll all be laughing, giving us free drinks. 53 00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:13,167 Harper, honey, come on. 54 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,536 It's time for your music lesson. 55 00:02:14,536 --> 00:02:14,967 Okay, mom. 56 00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,637 Oh, lady Mac. 57 00:02:17,005 --> 00:02:19,639 You are a beautiful ray of sunscreen. 58 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,309 Thank you, Tio. 59 00:02:22,826 --> 00:02:25,346 That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me in this house. 60 00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:27,314 Who's this? 61 00:02:27,559 --> 00:02:29,384 That's a picture of the Brown MandM 62 00:02:29,384 --> 00:02:30,692 when he was a preteen. 63 00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:35,489 Oh, look! He's so chubby and cute! 64 00:02:35,909 --> 00:02:37,491 His face is all scrunched up. 65 00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:40,028 He looks like a little mexican bulldog. 66 00:02:41,396 --> 00:02:42,931 He's got, like, a little under-bite. 67 00:02:42,931 --> 00:02:44,299 He's like, wah, wah, wah, wah. 68 00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:46,625 Okay, all right. 69 00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:49,537 Enough with the compliments, I can't take it! 70 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,455 Oh, my God, look! 71 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,882 It's our wedding photo. 72 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,434 Oh, my God, look at us. 73 00:02:55,986 --> 00:02:57,957 We are so young and naive. 74 00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:00,722 Yeah, I wish I knew then what it was gonna cost me now. 75 00:03:03,314 --> 00:03:05,353 I'm ready to go, mom. Okay, honey. 76 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:09,324 Harper, remember, the chiropractor said don't carry the bassoon on your back. 77 00:03:09,324 --> 00:03:10,482 I still look the same. 78 00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:12,026 How long has it been, Georgie? 79 00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:12,984 Like, what, a year? 80 00:03:13,428 --> 00:03:14,277 13 months, junior. 81 00:03:14,552 --> 00:03:15,529 13 months? 82 00:03:16,019 --> 00:03:18,490 Without any personal, like, intercourse? 83 00:03:20,015 --> 00:03:21,937 Georgie, you need to get out there more, man. 84 00:03:21,937 --> 00:03:23,524 You're not getting no younger! 85 00:03:23,524 --> 00:03:24,679 Whoa, whoa, look at his hair, daddy. 86 00:03:24,679 --> 00:03:25,670 It's getting all gray. 87 00:03:25,982 --> 00:03:27,833 You should see my friend Larry. Jet-black hair. 88 00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:30,387 He's out there every night-- Sassa-Sass-- Knocking it out. 89 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,514 Larry told me, "Tell your fat cousin, 90 00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,554 when he's ready to start dating, I can hook him up." 91 00:03:37,185 --> 00:03:38,962 That's nice. Right? Yeah. 92 00:03:38,962 --> 00:03:39,678 All right. 93 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,457 Hey, thursday. 94 00:03:42,457 --> 00:03:44,266 You make it Harder when you don't study. 95 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,296 Oh, you wanted to see me? 96 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,564 Undressed. 97 00:03:49,564 --> 00:03:50,230 What? 98 00:03:51,466 --> 00:03:55,927 Ay, jorjito, I love this little touch of gray. 99 00:03:55,927 --> 00:03:57,279 Does the carpet match the drapes? 100 00:03:59,474 --> 00:04:00,657 I don't have carpet. 101 00:04:00,965 --> 00:04:02,242 I'm more hardwood floor. 102 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,948 Right now, I'm the opposite of hard wood. 103 00:04:06,948 --> 00:04:07,747 Hmm. 104 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:11,019 I need to speak to you in my office. 105 00:04:11,019 --> 00:04:11,626 Okay. 106 00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:14,004 Come in. Shut the door. 107 00:04:14,489 --> 00:04:15,380 Oh. 108 00:04:16,024 --> 00:04:16,673 I'd rather not. 109 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,507 Have a seat. 110 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,384 Uh, you know, I'd prefer to stand. 111 00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:23,430 You know, um, every time you see me, you hit on me. 112 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,683 Then let me hit it, and I'll quit hitting on you. 113 00:04:27,235 --> 00:04:28,351 Um... 114 00:04:28,603 --> 00:04:30,083 You know, I'm at this school to teach. 115 00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:30,921 Okay. 116 00:04:32,226 --> 00:04:32,937 Hmm. 117 00:04:33,671 --> 00:04:35,317 Right. 118 00:04:36,399 --> 00:04:38,779 In case you're wondering, I'm wearing a thong. 119 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:44,367 Yeah, I was kinda guessing big-girl panties. 120 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:46,411 I know you, George. 121 00:04:46,477 --> 00:04:48,939 I know you've undressed me with your eyes. 122 00:04:48,939 --> 00:04:50,632 I've done a lot of things with my eyes, 123 00:04:50,632 --> 00:04:52,876 and right now, I'm thinking about sewing 'em shut. 124 00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:55,058 Okay. 125 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,265 All right. Okay. Okay. 126 00:04:57,265 --> 00:05:00,168 I can tell, it's too soon after your divorce. 127 00:05:00,168 --> 00:05:02,036 I see. You're not ready. 128 00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,905 You're not ready to enjoy. No. 129 00:05:03,905 --> 00:05:05,847 To indulge. It's okay, I'll wait. 130 00:05:06,068 --> 00:05:08,309 You better not, you know? I'm on a lot of heart medicine. 131 00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:09,309 And I could go like that. 132 00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,354 You're so bad! Ay! 133 00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:18,777 Yo, Georgie. Hey. 134 00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:21,366 We're gonna put you back in the dating world. 135 00:05:21,366 --> 00:05:22,030 Here. 136 00:05:23,995 --> 00:05:24,824 Toma. 137 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,160 What are you doing with my phone? 138 00:05:26,224 --> 00:05:27,827 I'm bringing you to the 21st dimension. 139 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:28,912 You ever heard of sexting? 140 00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:30,288 Whoa, hey. 141 00:05:32,004 --> 00:05:34,125 I'm not ready to date with my penis or yours. 142 00:05:35,214 --> 00:05:36,414 No, all the kids are doing it. 143 00:05:36,414 --> 00:05:38,814 Everybody's throwing pictures of their shillelaghs out there. 144 00:05:39,744 --> 00:05:41,744 Oh, junior, come on. It's touching the screen, man! 145 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,385 Shut up! Let him do his work! 146 00:05:43,715 --> 00:05:44,381 There you go. 147 00:05:44,381 --> 00:05:45,108 Oh... 148 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,889 Feast your eyes on this. 149 00:05:50,385 --> 00:05:51,265 Let me see that, mijo. 150 00:05:51,646 --> 00:05:54,396 Damn! That's my boy! 151 00:05:54,889 --> 00:05:55,474 Hey. 152 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:56,979 And that's without notice. 153 00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,317 Is that supposed to be me? 154 00:05:59,898 --> 00:06:01,236 You wish it was you. 155 00:06:03,231 --> 00:06:04,948 I'm gonna text it to a few people. 156 00:06:05,337 --> 00:06:07,457 The worm is on the hook. Let's see what you can catch. 157 00:06:08,819 --> 00:06:10,739 I'm gonna text it to this dude at the market too. 158 00:06:10,764 --> 00:06:11,454 Well, why? 159 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:12,914 He's a good dude. 160 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:15,834 Eh? 161 00:06:16,449 --> 00:06:17,878 Okay, delete that, now! 162 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,172 Easy. Just one push of the button. Boom, it's erased. See? 163 00:06:21,326 --> 00:06:22,846 Yeah, but it's not erased from my mind. 164 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,010 Like a flaccid tootsie roll. 165 00:06:27,759 --> 00:06:30,056 Yo, fool, tonight we're going to el sueno. 166 00:06:30,671 --> 00:06:31,631 I have to teach tonight. 167 00:06:31,631 --> 00:06:32,809 "I have to teach tonight." 168 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,452 After class, ese, it's on, 169 00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:35,851 because el Sueno is jumping. 170 00:06:35,851 --> 00:06:37,435 All kinds of chicks, right, daddy? 171 00:06:37,435 --> 00:06:38,231 Hey, most of them, 172 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,608 we're old enough to be their dads. 173 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,527 All right, that's disgusting. 174 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,279 I know, George! That's why we should go! 175 00:06:45,132 --> 00:06:46,493 Hey! Give them something to regret! 176 00:06:47,312 --> 00:06:49,826 Look, I haven't dated out of respect for Mackenzie. 177 00:06:49,933 --> 00:06:52,684 You do realize that the only two women in your life 178 00:06:52,684 --> 00:06:53,788 is your mom and ex-wife? 179 00:06:53,898 --> 00:06:55,707 Georgie, what kind of mexican are you? 180 00:06:55,924 --> 00:06:58,752 You should have all kinds of kids showing up out of nowhere! 181 00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,794 With luggage! 182 00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:02,344 What do I want all kinds of kids for? 183 00:07:02,344 --> 00:07:04,680 To help you move, to help you do the yard work, 184 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,929 to answer the door, to get you a cigarette. 185 00:07:06,929 --> 00:07:08,845 Yeah, that's what I do for daddy. Here you go. 186 00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:11,765 If I dated, it would be embarrassing for Mackenzie. 187 00:07:11,885 --> 00:07:14,166 I mean, you saw the way she looked at the wedding picture. 188 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,435 Man, she's still all in love. 189 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,562 Ay, Georgie. Dile, dile. Dile! 190 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:19,397 Tell him now. 191 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,149 I don't think so, bro. 192 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,568 I've seen her out with some dudes. 193 00:07:25,025 --> 00:07:26,518 What, you mean in a group, right? 194 00:07:26,518 --> 00:07:28,062 No, man. One on one. 195 00:07:28,062 --> 00:07:29,449 With hors D'oeuvres. 196 00:07:30,971 --> 00:07:32,691 And if the dude's paying For hors d'oeuvres, 197 00:07:32,691 --> 00:07:34,211 he's trying to get to the bottom of it. 198 00:07:35,226 --> 00:07:36,956 The fine print, Georgie. 199 00:07:38,818 --> 00:07:40,098 Come on, junior, you don't think 200 00:07:40,098 --> 00:07:40,919 you should've told me this before? 201 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,367 I am telling you now. 202 00:07:42,367 --> 00:07:43,668 Look, she's out there, 203 00:07:43,668 --> 00:07:45,037 living it up, getting it on, 204 00:07:45,037 --> 00:07:46,638 talking low, sitting outside. 205 00:07:46,638 --> 00:07:48,437 And if they're already sitting outside, 206 00:07:48,437 --> 00:07:49,341 they're getting it on. 207 00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:50,778 Daddy always says, if I can get 'em outside, 208 00:07:50,778 --> 00:07:52,472 I can get it on. That's right! 209 00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:56,184 Showing her toes. 210 00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:57,749 Showing her toes? 211 00:07:57,749 --> 00:07:58,728 Ah, this guy. 212 00:07:59,250 --> 00:08:01,086 You don't know nothing, do you, Georgie? 213 00:08:01,086 --> 00:08:02,487 If they're showing their toes--If they're showing 214 00:08:02,487 --> 00:08:04,207 their toes, it means they're letting it out! 215 00:08:04,422 --> 00:08:07,359 Letting everybody know they got no corns, bunions, 216 00:08:07,359 --> 00:08:08,905 inhibitions, all ten nails! 217 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,496 Sometimes, on the little toe, 218 00:08:11,496 --> 00:08:12,662 if the nail falls off-- 219 00:08:13,565 --> 00:08:14,565 they just paint the skin. 220 00:08:16,267 --> 00:08:18,037 Okay, have you two guys been painting cars 221 00:08:18,037 --> 00:08:19,833 with the garage door closed again? 222 00:08:21,639 --> 00:08:23,545 Georgie, you're a very rigid individual. 223 00:08:24,072 --> 00:08:26,089 You have to stop thinking about everything. 224 00:08:26,559 --> 00:08:28,279 You have to get out there and have some fun! 225 00:08:28,279 --> 00:08:30,415 Look, Mac is out there, having fun. 226 00:08:30,415 --> 00:08:31,553 Showing toes. 227 00:08:34,085 --> 00:08:35,022 You're right. 228 00:08:35,022 --> 00:08:37,222 I mean, Mackenzie's dating 229 00:08:37,222 --> 00:08:40,492 and I'm here at home, being insulted by my mom. 230 00:08:40,492 --> 00:08:41,726 That's what I'm talking about! 231 00:08:41,726 --> 00:08:43,028 We're gonna get out there, 232 00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:44,062 and we're gonna attack it! 233 00:08:44,062 --> 00:08:45,463 George! 234 00:08:45,463 --> 00:08:47,465 Like a bull in a doughnut shop! 235 00:08:47,465 --> 00:08:48,653 Yo! 236 00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:56,578 Dad, have you seen my inhaler? 237 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,643 Uh, yeah. Here it is. 238 00:08:58,643 --> 00:09:00,707 Hey, why don't you go breathe over there? 239 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,542 Are you dying your hair? 240 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,295 I'm trying a new shampoo. 241 00:09:05,517 --> 00:09:06,917 Shouldn't you be in the shower then? 242 00:09:07,388 --> 00:09:09,468 Shouldn't you be on the other side of that door then? 243 00:09:09,654 --> 00:09:11,756 Harper, honey, did you find your inhaler? 244 00:09:11,756 --> 00:09:13,124 Yeah. 245 00:09:13,124 --> 00:09:14,304 Are you dying your hair? 246 00:09:15,126 --> 00:09:16,528 That's funny to you, huh? 247 00:09:16,528 --> 00:09:18,063 Hey, Harper, honey, go downstairs. 248 00:09:18,063 --> 00:09:19,063 I'll be down in a minute. 249 00:09:20,245 --> 00:09:22,005 You know, I'm just a little prematurely gray. 250 00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:24,397 At your age, it's not premature. 251 00:09:25,539 --> 00:09:26,900 Do you even know what you're doing? 252 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,473 Did you read the directions? 253 00:09:28,473 --> 00:09:30,108 I never read the instructions. 254 00:09:30,108 --> 00:09:31,196 What's so hard? 255 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,977 You put it on, and when it stops burning, 256 00:09:32,977 --> 00:09:34,112 you rinse it out. 257 00:09:34,112 --> 00:09:36,242 Oh, my God. Let me help. 258 00:09:37,715 --> 00:09:41,252 So, you're trying to look younger. 259 00:09:42,052 --> 00:09:43,917 You got a hot date or something? 260 00:09:44,255 --> 00:09:45,752 No, I don't have a hot date. 261 00:09:46,124 --> 00:09:47,837 Why? Do you have a hot date? 262 00:09:48,346 --> 00:09:49,506 What's that supposed to mean? 263 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,013 Junior told me, Mac, that you started dating. 264 00:09:52,013 --> 00:09:54,511 Hold on. You're not jealous, are you? 265 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,601 Of what? Of you dating? 266 00:09:56,601 --> 00:09:58,807 Come on, I'm a man. Men don't get jealous. 267 00:09:59,104 --> 00:09:59,604 Oh. 268 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,184 So has anybody-- 269 00:10:03,308 --> 00:10:04,270 that's disgusting. 270 00:10:05,043 --> 00:10:07,398 And also it's really none of your business. 271 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,048 So what do you do with Harper? 272 00:10:10,048 --> 00:10:10,652 You leave him with me 273 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,253 while you're out there showing your toes? 274 00:10:14,232 --> 00:10:15,240 Showing my toes? 275 00:10:15,436 --> 00:10:16,991 You really don't know anything, do you? 276 00:10:18,472 --> 00:10:20,191 You know what? Forget this. 277 00:10:20,191 --> 00:10:21,259 You can do it yourself. 278 00:10:21,259 --> 00:10:22,066 Well, fine. 279 00:10:22,066 --> 00:10:24,529 Well, I'm glad you're dating again. 280 00:10:24,529 --> 00:10:25,997 Oh? I'm thrilled. 281 00:10:25,997 --> 00:10:27,471 In fact, I think it's healthy. 282 00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:31,422 Tonight, me, junior, and Tio, we're all going to el sueno. 283 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,371 Good for you. Yeah. 284 00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:35,034 And I'll probably go out the next night, 285 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,442 the night after that, the night after that. 286 00:10:37,442 --> 00:10:39,077 Then I'll probably take a night off, then I'll probably 287 00:10:39,077 --> 00:10:40,438 go out, like, four nights in a row. 288 00:10:42,046 --> 00:10:44,516 George, do not turn this into a competition. 289 00:10:44,516 --> 00:10:45,645 I'm not competing. 290 00:10:46,922 --> 00:10:49,482 But as soon as my scalp stops burning, it's on. 291 00:10:56,675 --> 00:10:58,449 All right. I hope you're ready. 292 00:10:59,036 --> 00:11:01,153 You have 20 minutes-- there you go-- 293 00:11:01,153 --> 00:11:03,246 to complete this test. 294 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,126 Is that your Porsche Cayenne in the parking lot? 295 00:11:05,396 --> 00:11:06,852 Yeah. You know what it is? 296 00:11:06,852 --> 00:11:08,186 So what did you do? 297 00:11:08,186 --> 00:11:09,688 I mean, this teaching thing's gotta be 298 00:11:09,688 --> 00:11:11,567 some court-ordered community service. 299 00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:13,589 Oh, really? You don't think I'm here because 300 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,383 maybe I possibly want to be here? 301 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,468 No. Come on, what was it? 302 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:18,721 Is it cocaine? Weed? 303 00:11:19,705 --> 00:11:21,266 How'd you get that fine new car, ese? 304 00:11:21,266 --> 00:11:23,558 I beat a white kid to death. 305 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,663 Good luck tonight, Mr. L. What are you talking about? 306 00:11:29,707 --> 00:11:31,576 I can smell your cologne from the back of the room. 307 00:11:31,576 --> 00:11:33,678 Expensive suit, shoes all shined, 308 00:11:33,678 --> 00:11:35,413 new hair-- You look hot. 309 00:11:35,413 --> 00:11:36,863 That's inappropriate, young lady. 310 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:42,204 Ay, papi! 311 00:11:42,754 --> 00:11:44,856 There is something about you tonight. 312 00:11:44,856 --> 00:11:46,624 I think it's in the air. 313 00:11:46,624 --> 00:11:48,583 Or it could be me. I'm very hormonal right now. 314 00:11:49,861 --> 00:11:51,329 Georgie, hey! 315 00:11:51,329 --> 00:11:53,531 Let's go. El sueno time! 316 00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:54,699 Oh, I've never been to el sueno. 317 00:11:54,699 --> 00:11:55,965 I've always wanted to go. 318 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,202 It's a wonderful dining experience. 319 00:11:58,202 --> 00:11:59,937 Ay, dios mio! 320 00:11:59,937 --> 00:12:01,639 I'm George's uncle. 321 00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:03,641 I'm George's boss, Concepcion. 322 00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,801 I never realized such beauty walked the halls 323 00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:07,912 of this particular institution. 324 00:12:07,912 --> 00:12:09,542 Yeah, well, you went to the pet shop once 325 00:12:09,542 --> 00:12:10,887 and tried to buy Mickey Mouse. 326 00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,192 Please, tell me if I'm being too gallant. 327 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:14,882 You're being too gallant. 328 00:12:14,882 --> 00:12:15,683 Not you, stupid. Her! 329 00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:19,223 Come on. Excuse us. Come on, man, let's go. 330 00:12:19,223 --> 00:12:20,591 What is wrong with you? 331 00:12:20,591 --> 00:12:22,825 Man, look at homegirl's wearing the hell out of that dress. 332 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:23,428 She sure is. 333 00:12:23,428 --> 00:12:25,296 That's a lot to ask spandex to do. 334 00:12:25,296 --> 00:12:26,697 Ay, I'm so bad! 335 00:12:26,697 --> 00:12:27,789 Come on, let's go. 336 00:12:32,136 --> 00:12:33,671 Tio, you were right, 337 00:12:33,671 --> 00:12:35,171 There are some fine women here tonight. 338 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,341 And they're all waiting for you, Georgie, 339 00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,133 because you look so "Capitating." 340 00:12:41,045 --> 00:12:43,471 George. Vodka rocks with a lemon twist. 341 00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:46,557 Tio and junior, amaretto sour. 342 00:12:46,971 --> 00:12:47,728 Thanks, Chloe. 343 00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:51,437 Okay, look around the room, Georgie. 344 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:52,814 Set the bar. 345 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:54,315 All right, set the bar. 346 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,178 Oh, how about that one right there? 347 00:12:57,928 --> 00:12:59,696 Uh, set the bar lower, Georgie. 348 00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:02,115 Oh... 349 00:13:05,069 --> 00:13:05,702 That one. 350 00:13:05,957 --> 00:13:06,703 Lower. 351 00:13:09,052 --> 00:13:10,394 There's your girl right there. 352 00:13:11,873 --> 00:13:13,042 Her? Yeah. 353 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,879 All you have to do is walk up to her and say, 354 00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:17,348 "Hello." 355 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:18,965 Buy her a drink. 356 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,508 Hey, hey, and if she don't want a drink, 357 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,553 buy her something deep-fried, like potato skins. 358 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,637 She'll be all flattered. 359 00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:26,848 You guys really think I'm that sad? 360 00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:28,766 Yeah. Go on. Come on, Georgie. 361 00:13:29,093 --> 00:13:29,892 Go on, go on. 362 00:13:30,361 --> 00:13:31,662 Georgie, she's waiting for you. 363 00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:32,696 She's waiting. Shh! 364 00:13:32,696 --> 00:13:33,646 Good luck. 365 00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:44,866 What happened? You got shot down already? 366 00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:47,452 I didn't even get to the potato skin part. 367 00:13:48,623 --> 00:13:50,391 Okay, let's all try one together. 368 00:13:50,391 --> 00:13:51,205 All right? 369 00:13:52,493 --> 00:13:54,013 How about those three girls over there? 370 00:13:54,528 --> 00:13:56,697 No, man, they're so young. Exactly! 371 00:13:56,697 --> 00:13:58,421 We're going in. Relax. 372 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,302 And don't talk. Let daddy do all the talking. 373 00:14:01,302 --> 00:14:02,303 Now, look, Georgie. 374 00:14:02,303 --> 00:14:03,838 Look mysterious 375 00:14:03,838 --> 00:14:05,864 and remotely confused, like this. Watch out. 376 00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:08,709 All right. And walk like a man! 377 00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:09,260 Come on. 378 00:14:16,325 --> 00:14:17,565 Not interested. 379 00:14:18,319 --> 00:14:19,954 Not interested in spending the evening 380 00:14:19,954 --> 00:14:22,399 with three fascinating individuals? 381 00:14:23,191 --> 00:14:25,656 You guys are, like, old enough to be our dads. 382 00:14:27,261 --> 00:14:29,160 If they bother you too much, use this. 383 00:14:29,664 --> 00:14:30,578 Pepper spray. 384 00:14:31,465 --> 00:14:33,434 That pepper spray, that won't stop me. 385 00:14:33,434 --> 00:14:34,869 I love hot Food. 386 00:14:34,869 --> 00:14:36,404 For my daddy, that's more of a condiment 387 00:14:36,404 --> 00:14:37,251 than a deterrent. 388 00:14:37,938 --> 00:14:39,974 What are you talking about? This stuff burns. 389 00:14:39,974 --> 00:14:42,309 Pepper spray doesn't work on you? 390 00:14:42,309 --> 00:14:43,844 My daddy doesn't succumb to pain. 391 00:14:45,156 --> 00:14:47,220 How can it affect everyone else but you? 392 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,472 Fortunately, I was born without tear ducts. 393 00:14:50,885 --> 00:14:52,553 Spray me right between the eyes. 394 00:14:52,553 --> 00:14:54,455 Oh, okay, listen, Tio. Don't get too crazy, okay? 395 00:14:54,455 --> 00:14:55,623 Nobody's gonna get sprayed. 396 00:14:55,623 --> 00:14:56,924 Spray him! Do it! 397 00:14:56,924 --> 00:14:57,772 No, no. 398 00:14:58,659 --> 00:15:00,261 Look at this, ladies. Oh... 399 00:15:00,261 --> 00:15:02,819 Have you ever seen a mexican bulldog? 400 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:05,266 Okay. Put that thing away. 401 00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:06,239 Look at the boobies! 402 00:15:07,462 --> 00:15:09,537 They're fantastic. Wow. 403 00:15:09,537 --> 00:15:11,160 Aren't they divine? That's enough. 404 00:15:12,406 --> 00:15:14,375 They never even jiggled when he ran. 405 00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,311 That's enough. 406 00:15:16,311 --> 00:15:18,412 That's why this fool hasn't had a woman in-- 407 00:15:18,412 --> 00:15:19,814 Aah! 408 00:15:19,814 --> 00:15:21,682 My eyes! Oh, my eyes! 409 00:15:21,682 --> 00:15:24,018 Ay, god damn, my eyes! 410 00:15:24,018 --> 00:15:25,419 Oh, you son of a bitch! 411 00:15:25,419 --> 00:15:26,676 Daddy, don't leave me! 412 00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:38,521 Oh, hi. Are you alone? 413 00:15:40,338 --> 00:15:42,066 No, I'm by myself. 414 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,734 That's different. 415 00:15:43,936 --> 00:15:45,257 There's no shame in sitting alone. 416 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,745 Did you come down here to check up on me? 417 00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:47,746 What? Are you jealous? 418 00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,008 Jealous? 419 00:15:49,008 --> 00:15:50,415 I'm the one already dating. 420 00:15:50,415 --> 00:15:51,683 I thought this wasn't a competition. 421 00:15:51,683 --> 00:15:52,923 But if it was, you'd be losing. 422 00:15:54,123 --> 00:15:54,797 Nice. 423 00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:55,955 What's this? 424 00:15:56,521 --> 00:15:59,542 Aww, your cute little picture. 425 00:16:00,358 --> 00:16:01,919 God, great boobs, by the way. 426 00:16:03,328 --> 00:16:05,363 Tio and junior trying to get free drinks? 427 00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:07,265 Tio got pepper sprayed. 428 00:16:07,265 --> 00:16:08,634 He's in the men's room crying. 429 00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:10,845 Pepper sprayed? Again? 430 00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:13,931 So... 431 00:16:15,289 --> 00:16:16,675 did you hit on any women yet? 432 00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:19,011 Excuse me, I'm a gentleman, okay? 433 00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,745 I don't hit on women. Oh. 434 00:16:20,745 --> 00:16:23,399 Those three right there, I bought them potato skins. 435 00:16:26,284 --> 00:16:28,760 It's been 15 years since I've been out looking for women, 436 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,049 and I wasn't good at it 15 years ago. 437 00:16:31,049 --> 00:16:32,074 That's True. 438 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,280 We never would've met if I hadn't talked to you first. 439 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,964 I saw you coming over to me, and I was like, 440 00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:41,566 "Oh, my god, please, don't come over here and talk to me. 441 00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:43,167 I'm gonna pretend I don't speak english." 442 00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:45,505 Really? Why did you think that? 443 00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:48,257 Well, to be honest, look at you. 444 00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:50,259 You were way out of my league. 445 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,803 I still am. 446 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:55,765 George, listen. 447 00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:58,726 If you're gonna be dating, just promise me one thing. 448 00:16:59,217 --> 00:17:01,186 When you approach a woman- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 449 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,754 You're gonna tell me how to approach a woman? 450 00:17:02,754 --> 00:17:03,522 Yes. 451 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,157 Listen, the reason you're so awkward around women 452 00:17:06,157 --> 00:17:07,662 is that you still feel like this: 453 00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:10,262 A shy, 10-year-old mexican boy. 454 00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,531 You know, women, they pick up on this stuff, George. 455 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,033 Yeah, can women pick up when a man 456 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,753 doesn't want to have a conversation anymore? 457 00:17:17,097 --> 00:17:18,537 You're not Alma's little boy anymore. 458 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,238 Come on, you're a successful businessman 459 00:17:20,238 --> 00:17:23,241 who created the sixth-most popular energy drink. 460 00:17:23,241 --> 00:17:24,576 Fifth. 461 00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:25,169 See? 462 00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,479 So show women that side, huh? 463 00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:28,631 The confident you. 464 00:17:29,029 --> 00:17:30,749 You know, and then if you're not too scared, 465 00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,025 you can show 'em some of that tenderness 466 00:17:32,025 --> 00:17:33,636 you like to hide from everybody. 467 00:17:35,297 --> 00:17:36,668 That's what I fell in love with. 468 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,312 Who knows, maybe you'll fool 'em long enough to-- 469 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,896 Hee-Hoo, Hee-Hoo. 470 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:45,982 Sa-Sass! 471 00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,025 Twice? Forget it. 472 00:17:49,575 --> 00:17:51,736 Why don't you come have a drink with me and my friends? 473 00:17:51,736 --> 00:17:54,606 No, you go have fun with your friends. 474 00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:56,492 I'm okay. All right. 475 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:03,499 Hey, Chloe. 476 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,587 I want to buy that lady right there a drink. 477 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,339 All right, old man. 478 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:13,718 Oh, hey. 479 00:18:14,124 --> 00:18:16,461 He's on the bathroom floor with his eyes swollen shut. 480 00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:18,501 You can't miss him. He's the one without tear ducts. 481 00:18:24,469 --> 00:18:25,938 Hi. Are you alone? 482 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,034 I am alone. Would you care to join me? 483 00:18:28,034 --> 00:18:30,026 Thank you for the drink. You're welcome. 484 00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:33,078 That's a-- That's a beautiful dress. 485 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:35,213 Thank you. It's new. 486 00:18:36,087 --> 00:18:36,991 My hair's new. 487 00:18:37,315 --> 00:18:38,595 It was a lot grayer this morning. 488 00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,270 I think it looks great. 489 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:42,747 Cheers. 490 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:44,915 Cheers. 491 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:47,872 Beat it, bitch. 492 00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:51,547 I'm right here, and I've been drinking. 493 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,378 Why don't you go over there before you get hurt, huh? 494 00:19:02,004 --> 00:19:03,308 What the hell are you doing? 495 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,744 Oh, you so bad, papi! 496 00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:08,647 I got your picture! You sexted me, tigre! 497 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,281 What? I didn't sext you. 498 00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:12,617 Liar. I was charging my phone, and look what popped up. 499 00:19:12,617 --> 00:19:14,119 Bam! Whoo! 500 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:15,363 Okay, that's not me. 501 00:19:15,835 --> 00:19:17,355 Well, there's only one way to prove it. 502 00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:18,949 Like Cinderella, see if it fits. 503 00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:22,164 And if it doesn't fit... better. 504 00:19:22,164 --> 00:19:22,953 Ay... 505 00:19:24,295 --> 00:19:26,666 Mijo! Mijo, don't lose me, mijo. 506 00:19:27,732 --> 00:19:29,460 You're the wind beneath my arms. 507 00:19:29,984 --> 00:19:33,089 Georgie, they're taking my daddy to the cedars. 508 00:19:36,169 --> 00:19:37,609 You know what? I better go with them. 509 00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:39,410 You know, they're family. They don't have I.D. 510 00:19:40,378 --> 00:19:41,972 One of them is undocumented. 511 00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:43,808 I'm gonna take my drink, though. 512 00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,035 Hello, ladies. 513 00:19:45,035 --> 00:19:46,396 Is everything to your satisfaction? 514 00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:52,525 Ay, you so bad. 515 00:19:53,324 --> 00:19:55,326 Ooh, it grows. Oy. 516 00:19:55,326 --> 00:19:56,445 Whoo. 517 00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:02,079 What are you watching? 518 00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:06,004 You came home alone? Figures. 519 00:20:06,004 --> 00:20:07,998 You gotta tell them you got money. 520 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,584 That's how old guys like you get girls. 521 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,446 Listen, I am a successful latino businessman, okay? 522 00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:16,147 There are lots of girls that would love 523 00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:17,427 to be in a relationship with me. 524 00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:20,418 Can I tell you something and you won't get mad? 525 00:20:20,418 --> 00:20:21,512 Probably not. 526 00:20:21,894 --> 00:20:23,455 The longest relationship you've ever had 527 00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:24,175 is with your hand. 528 00:20:24,622 --> 00:20:26,091 Wha-- 529 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:26,892 The other hand. 530 00:20:28,214 --> 00:20:29,575 Not that it's any of your business, 531 00:20:29,575 --> 00:20:31,230 but I do think I'm gonna start dating again. 532 00:20:31,286 --> 00:20:32,106 Perfecto. 533 00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,199 That's what the dating world needs, 534 00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:35,693 another fat-ass out there. 535 00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:38,047 You know what? I'll be all right. 536 00:20:38,047 --> 00:20:39,864 You can look everywhere, 537 00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:42,014 but you'll never find another woman. 538 00:20:42,014 --> 00:20:43,117 Better than your mother. 539 00:20:46,603 --> 00:20:48,048 Oh, my god, you almost had me. 540 00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:49,915 You-- Don't touch me with that hand! 541 00:20:52,016 --> 00:20:52,793 Cochino! 542 00:20:53,218 --> 00:20:54,795 Are these yours? Mira! 543 00:20:54,845 --> 00:20:59,395 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0